Monday, November 5, 2018

How to Get Over Depression

📍Bangkok, Thailand

So, where should I begin?... 4 months journey of me struggling with myself. Honestly, I don't know if my case was that horrible to be called 'depress' But It was a nightmare. I literally lost motivation, and no will to fight for anything, as I was so d**** tired of everything. For those who follow The Equinox Fashion Instagram (@thequinoxfashion) My insta stories were somehow sad, dark, like an emotional ass kid. Well, what happened was I'm back single, lost the job, didn't get a visa to go to Japan. These situations happened 2 weeks after another, what a coincidence right? The moment I lost the will to think about anything was real. I went back home, laid on the bed, and starred at the ceiling with no thoughts. I know compare to others, what I had been through might be normal. However, one thing after another was just too harsh for me to accept and process my thoughts & emotions. 

Well, I was somehow pausing my Instagram and The Equinox Fashion blog too. I tried to force myself to write something, but finally it was better to give myself a break. Early on, I was told that everything was gonna be fine. It would take time, but I gotta be strong to get through the struggle in life. It was so f**** hard to get over. Trust me, everyday I kept thinking what was going on? What had I done wrong in the relationship? Why I didn't get a chance to work in Tokyo? What about my job? I felt so sorry for my brain...I couldn't stop thinking though. I tried to go out and had fun with my friends. However, I still thought and felt f**** up whenever I got back home. Every single d**** day, I didn't know who I was. The movies & TV shows were not as fun as they used to be. Social media was literally boring. A conversation with people was just killing time for me. I knew, deep down I needed to be healed...The first month was the worst, followed by the after shock, to the point of no return. I mean, I was hit hard enough that I started to feel nothing. 

Broken relationship hurt me so deeply that I have turned to a person who emotionless. The job that I put my heart & soul turned its back against me. I guess I had nothing left. I mean, it hurt to the point that I felt numb. I felt like falling down, getting back up, and repeated. However, when the time passes by, I actually feel like I don't wanna waste my time. I mean, whatever happened in the past couple months can't hurt my feelings anymore, since I've got nothing to feel. Once, honestly, I was thinking that maybe it's better to get hit by a car so that I didn't have to struggle like that. I put the headphone on everyday just to escape to another world. However, I've come to realize that nothing's getting better if I can't get a grip of myself. Shit happened? So what? MOVE ON!  I am a person who put 100% in everything. So, if I do my best, and thing still not getting better, I will just leave it like that. At least, I try :) I did my best in the relationship, but the another party didn't seem to respect me or try as hard as I did, so I couldn't help. The job I used to love, now I wish them good luck for my replacement. The visa I didn't get, maybe there's something better awaits. Until 2 weeks ago, I've started to feel completely better about myself again. 

Honestly, meeting a lot of people has made me realized that I was such a kid. I was so stupid to burden myself with people who I didn't deserve at all. Basically, I didn't get any medication to heal myself. I changed my thoughts and let the emotions eat me alive everyday, until I couldn't feel the pain anymore. Now I feel like I'm back to life again. I'm a new person who's stronger than before. Like a 'phoenix' 

That's my solution. 

The Equinox Fashion
Bag- Grafea
Photographer - Thestylograp


  1. I'm so sorry you've had such a bad time but I'm glad you're getting stronger and feeling better now, I really need to hit you up soon now I'm living in Bangkok again xoxo

  2. Loved reading your honest story! So glad that you are stronger now! you are such an inspiration!
    xoxo, Vanessa

  3. Felt bad knowing what you went through, I admit it would crumble me down too. But hey you're tough to be able to overcome it. It's good to know that there are still strong girls like you, I know some who can't get over terrible times even after a year. So good on you girl. I wish you better things and happier times to come.