Monday, November 5, 2018

How to Get Over Depression

📍Bangkok, Thailand



So, where should I begin?... 4 months journey of me struggling with myself. Honestly, I don't know if my case was that horrible to be called 'depress' But It was a nightmare. I literally lost motivation, and no will to fight for anything, as I was so d**** tired of everything. For those who follow The Equinox Fashion Instagram (@thequinoxfashion) My insta stories were somehow sad, dark, like an emotional ass kid. Well, what happened was I'm back single, lost the job, didn't get a visa to go to Japan. These situations happened 2 weeks after another, what a coincidence right? The moment I lost the will to think about anything was real. I went back home, laid on the bed, and starred at the ceiling with no thoughts. I know compare to others, what I had been through might be normal. However, one thing after another was just too harsh for me to accept and process my thoughts & emotions. 

Well, I was somehow pausing my Instagram and The Equinox Fashion blog too. I tried to force myself to write something, but finally it was better to give myself a break. Early on, I was told that everything was gonna be fine. It would take time, but I gotta be strong to get through the struggle in life. It was so f**** hard to get over. Trust me, everyday I kept thinking what was going on? What had I done wrong in the relationship? Why I didn't get a chance to work in Tokyo? What about my job? I felt so sorry for my brain...I couldn't stop thinking though. I tried to go out and had fun with my friends. However, I still thought and felt f**** up whenever I got back home. Every single d**** day, I didn't know who I was. The movies & TV shows were not as fun as they used to be. Social media was literally boring. A conversation with people was just killing time for me. I knew, deep down I needed to be healed...The first month was the worst, followed by the after shock, to the point of no return. I mean, I was hit hard enough that I started to feel nothing. 

Broken relationship hurt me so deeply that I have turned to a person who emotionless. The job that I put my heart & soul turned its back against me. I guess I had nothing left. I mean, it hurt to the point that I felt numb. I felt like falling down, getting back up, and repeated. However, when the time passes by, I actually feel like I don't wanna waste my time. I mean, whatever happened in the past couple months can't hurt my feelings anymore, since I've got nothing to feel. Once, honestly, I was thinking that maybe it's better to get hit by a car so that I didn't have to struggle like that. I put the headphone on everyday just to escape to another world. However, I've come to realize that nothing's getting better if I can't get a grip of myself. Shit happened? So what? MOVE ON!  I am a person who put 100% in everything. So, if I do my best, and thing still not getting better, I will just leave it like that. At least, I try :) I did my best in the relationship, but the another party didn't seem to respect me or try as hard as I did, so I couldn't help. The job I used to love, now I wish them good luck for my replacement. The visa I didn't get, maybe there's something better awaits. Until 2 weeks ago, I've started to feel completely better about myself again. 

Honestly, meeting a lot of people has made me realized that I was such a kid. I was so stupid to burden myself with people who I didn't deserve at all. Basically, I didn't get any medication to heal myself. I changed my thoughts and let the emotions eat me alive everyday, until I couldn't feel the pain anymore. Now I feel like I'm back to life again. I'm a new person who's stronger than before. Like a 'phoenix' 

That's my solution. 


The Equinox Fashion
Bag- Grafea
Photographer - Thestylograp

5 comments :

  1. I'm so sorry you've had such a bad time but I'm glad you're getting stronger and feeling better now, I really need to hit you up soon now I'm living in Bangkok again xoxo

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  2. Loved reading your honest story! So glad that you are stronger now! you are such an inspiration!
    xoxo, Vanessa
    www.whatwouldvwear.com

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  3. Beautiful outfit!!

    https://julesonthemoon.blogspot.com/

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  4. Felt bad knowing what you went through, I admit it would crumble me down too. But hey you're tough to be able to overcome it. It's good to know that there are still strong girls like you, I know some who can't get over terrible times even after a year. So good on you girl. I wish you better things and happier times to come.

    www.busyandfab.com

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